-Jhane and I broke up two weeks ago. This seems to be going around (Dante, Michael). The impetus wasn't mine, but it's definitely a move in the right direction. Maybe more so for me, because I loved her unconditionally (literally, without condition) and therefore don't have a problem not being together, because I can still love her and support her if she needs it. Which she does right now, because she's bipolar, went off of her medication two months ago, and is having a hard time finding ways to be happy, mainly due, I think, to a lack of passion and curiosity. We almost broke up this summer because I tried to explain, maybe not in the most delicate manner, how love is best when its a) not exclusive or possessive and b) unconditional. Not sure she's there yet, which is a bummer, but it is what it is. I feel good about it now.
-I decided like three weeks ago to go ahead and do pre-med requirements before I graduate, which basically means a ton of lab classes (Chem. I and II, Organic Chem. I and II, Physics I and II, two semesters of biology, biochemistry, stats...). But I was planning on doing all of those anyways, with the exception of Physics, so I figured what the hell. Might as well set myself up in case I decide to go in that direction later. And then I started thinking more about medical school as an actual possibility, and have been liking the idea more and more over the past two weeks. I'm taking Human Physiology right now, which is hard as shit, but it's a ton of fun and I actually enjoy doing the homework and problem sets. Which is probably an indication that I might want to go in that direction, and advanced physiology, if it's not research, means medicine. So we'll see.
-I've started looking at summer research programs across the country. The National Science Foundation sponsors thousands of undergraduate students to attend hundreds of schools to do research in everything from computer science to neuroscience to ecology and astrophysics. My friend Colin did a program this past summer at UMass in computer science and made $4,000, which is pretty typical for REUs (Research Experiences for Undergraduates). They usually give you a food stipend too, and set you up in a nice living situation. They're all about ten weeks, starting between mid-May and mid-June. This would definitely put a damper on any summer plans, and I obviously wouldn't be able to spend most of my summer at home, but if I can get into one its an awesome opportunity and would help me figure out if I'm interested in that kind of stuff (I'm looking into programs that do research in physiology, molecular and cell biology, neuroscience, genetics, and combinations thereof). Looking into this has also helped me realize how the government fosters the domestic advancement of science, as all of the programs are specifically designed to recruit students to become research scientists. They probably do a good job, spending about 6,000$ per student just in stipend, room, board and travel... makes research seem pretty attractive when they're paying you to get an introduction to it. They usually give about 500,000$ to each research site as well, and they have at least one hundred just in the biological sciences classification. Crazy.
-I've been trying to put on weight this semester, but without access to a scale its pretty hard to track progress. But I've definitely put on a few pounds, if my eyes aren't lying. I've been following the CrossFit Football website, which focuses mainly on developing speed, strength, and power, and I've been having a lot of fun with that. And put 40 pounds on my five-rep max deadlift in seven weeks. Not bad. Working out takes up about seven hours a week, on top of frisbee and whitewater kayaking. Not a ton of free time these days.
-Which reminds me that I've been doing whitewater kayaking, one pool practice session per week and a five-hour day trip every friday. Super fun, and highly recommended to anyone with access to a college outdoors program. It's getting a little cold to be padding in chilly rivers though.
-I'm super psyched to spend January in Guatemala, especially now that Chris, Dante, Mikail and Graham are all coming. Its gonna be a blast. Probably more fun than the WFR last winter.
-Hampshire halloween is on friday and things are going to get crazy, like usual. I'm going to try out ecstasy and see how it treats me. Should be fun. A bunch of people on the frisbee team just ordered reversible pinnies that say hampshire lacrosse on them, with a hammer and sickle and crossed lacrosse sticks, so a bunch of us are going to be lacrosse bros for halloween. Creative? Not really. But so ironic. Hampshire fosters an inflated sense of irony, unfortunately.
2 comments:
Matt thank you for your update. Your writing style is clear and consice, something i could improve upon.
I wish you were around more; your relationship with Jhane sounds to parallel my relationship with Chelsea. I struggled in a similar way: wanting to share with her the possiblities of a healthy mutually-supportive relationship. In a lot of ways i poured everything i had into her as best i could (not saying that it was perfect or appropriate) but with the intention to make an immensely positive impact upon an indivdual i love and in turn my life. One example of the many things that i did was to have her close her eyes and only listen--with her eyes closed i began to speak honestly of all aspects and edges of grattitude i had for her. I tried to speak from my heart at a point when she had ignored me for some time--telling me she would call and never doing so.
Something about me is so curious as to how we impact other people and how our pressence and actions can shape others identiteis and understandings. A large portion of our culture is filled with this rhetorical paradox of "things are and forever will be this way" and "change is good/evolution." Both are valid relative to their application. In regards to "us"-- individually and collectively we are in constant mututaion. I want to put intention into this concept when it comes to the individual level and our culture too.
So far i have discovered that in conversations between people moments arise when the dialogue touches a sensitive chourd-- a cumilation of sincerity, emotion, insight, curiousity, respect, and love. when conversation begins to tap into those realms the impact of the shared ideas rises. Currently i'm able to access these dialogues easiest through those i know well, no surprise. But I am becoming more intrigued on the opportunity of first encounters. Having a simple conversation with someone you just met and being able to catch a moment in the dialogue that you can click--rotate--shift--where you share a personal insight, a weakness. Finding identity courage and strength in being humbly candor. So that when the conversation is over the ideas echo deep within the body. The great thing about my job is that i can share these moments with people i encounter because a lot of our conversations deal with a very personal issue One's Job.
The pre-med track that you are moving in sounds very exciting and rewarding--i can't wait till guatemala
#1as usual, matt, I find your integrity inspiring. its so easy to be personally offended in a "break up" situation and lose sight of everything beautiful that was shared and everything beautiful that still exists in the relationship.
#2I forbid you from doing an internship this summer. who will lead our whitewater kayak expedition this summer if not you?
3# dante, this notion of spontaneous sincere conversation seems very much related to your restraunt idea
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